Asking New Questions To Trust Yourself When It Matters Most
With so much going on in our lives and when we look around the world, it can feel very overwhelming and give rise to feelings of stress.
Stress can take us completely out of the game by hindering our state of health and mental capacity. Our ability to make clear choices will suffer. (I talk more about this in this article)
On top of that, we find ourselves sifting through so many news items and having to discern what’s true and what isn’t. What’s important for us and what isn’t. How true our beliefs are or not.
All this leaves most of us feeling vulnerable to what’s going on around us, with different scenarios being played out in our minds. The stories we tell ourselves.
And where does this lead us? Into more and more stress for the body to take on.
Imagine you’re not subject to what’s going on around you. It’s possible to remain neutral in the presence of stress. This is what ultimately allows the stressful energy to make its way out of the body. Then we can effectively deal with these changing and challenging times using that same presence of mind.
We can begin to ask different questions, higher questions.
How do we trust ourselves while moving through stress?
Where do we go when resources we used in the past aren't benefiting us anymore?
How can we have compassion for others who see things differently, without judgment?
How can we be authentic when speaking what’s true for us?
The times we don’t take the opportunity to build trust with ourselves or others, there’s the possibility for small moments of betrayal. Learning to hone that presence of mind muscle will help us be aware of those small moments when we can tune into the body for the answers just right for us.
Brene Brown, a well-known research professor and author who's had the opportunity to sink her teeth into dissecting some of life’s deep values, says, “As small as the moments of trust can be, those could also be moments of betrayal.”
An astonishing moment inviting me to trust when my family and I were visiting my sister and her family at their lovely cottage. It’s on a beautiful still lake, deciduous and evergreen trees all around with pops of cottages here and there.
We all piled happily into the motorboat to tour the lake. I never did learn how to swim, even after all those lessons at the Y, so I had hoped I was hiding my nervousness well.
I sat there with my life vest on… hanging on for dear life.
Inside, I was a jittery mess.
I pleaded with my brother-in-law, “Please don’t drive crazy. Just go nice and easy, ok?” Oh yes, I was hiding it well. (Not at all!)
In the midst of gripping the seat and shallow chest breathing, I felt urged to offer myself the quick pleasure of looking around at the view from the middle of the lake. I forgot about my fear for a moment and was genuinely overcome by this feeling of protection and strength around me. I was astonished as to where this could be coming from.
It was the trees.
They became bigger than life. They reached through the layers of insecurity and fear I held onto and they touched my soul. In a penetrating, gentle and reassuring way, they reminded me to… trust. It came in with such resounding wisdom and strength, yet at the same time soft and loving.
Trust Life.
And so, I surrendered my fear and insecurity. Instantly, I felt the stress leave my body. My muscles relaxed. I let go of the grip I had on the seat. My lungs breathed deeply and exhaled slowly. My heart smiled and I thoroughly melded with the spirit of the lake and the majestic trees surrounding me.
The fear was gone as I surrendered to Life. The choice was mine. I was in control of what was mine to control - whether to let go of the fear or hold onto it.
No one else in the boat knew this transformation was happening with me. It was all mine and yet, it was everyone’s. I was able to join in with everyone’s joy adding to the experience for all of us.
Some questions we can ask ourselves are:
Am I honest with myself about how vulnerable I feel at times?
Can I allow myself to be with that vulnerable feeling without the story?
Do I have compassion for myself in those times?
Can I recognize vulnerability in another and offer compassion without judgment?
In the boat that day, I opened my heart rather than staying in my head trying to figure out what I could do to keep myself safe, what to watch out for, or trying to control the actions of others.
That’s how I was able to release the stress from my fear.
Through mindful stillness, we can tap into what our next action could be that’s in line with our special skill, experience or resources and release whatever feels like fear or pushing against.
Stress doesn’t allow any of that to be available.
The best next step anyone can take is to learn to trust themselves in the midst of stress.
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